Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
