Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
