i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
