You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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