my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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