Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
