Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
