Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
