Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
