dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
