So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
bring money and cleavage
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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