Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your penis caused this!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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