If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
