It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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