lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
