god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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