He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
