but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
