Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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