What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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