So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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