When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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