Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
