I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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