:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize