i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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