omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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