clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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