i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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