Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
