Kiss
Puke
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
