i just snorted my name. best moment ever
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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