After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
