What did we do last night that was yellow?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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