she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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