I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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