You're so nebulous sometimes
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
