Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
