I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
