have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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