If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
