Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
