Will you blow on my dice?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
