You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
