...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
