Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
