6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize