God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
