is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
