ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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