This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
