I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
