When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
