Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
