Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Girls should come with a carfax report
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
