i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
