Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
