Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
