i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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