I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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