you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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