All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
